Useful Reminders During Hard Transitions
Ideas to hold onto as we navigate the twists and turns of life.
Welcome to Conflict Confidential, a newsletter about conflict, relationships, and being a person.
This week I am sharing three expressions swirling around in my head lately.
As some of my recent emo posts have alluded to, I’m in a weird stage in life.
Mostly I am happy. I have my health. I love my friends. I go out. Truly I am blessed.
But the struggles are real. House hunting in a terrible market along with all the other pent-up buyers. Anxiety-inducing work shit simultaneously popping off for both my husband and myself. Balancing family and parenting with my own sovereignty. Witnessing ongoing cruelty in the world. Perpetually searching for the perfect pair of black, purple and teal sneakers in a women’s size 5.
It’s been hard!
But I’m keeping my head up as I stay the course. These three reminders help.
Do not settle.
This rings in my ears as I navigate Big Life Decisions. Trying to walk the fine line between choice and intuition.
What does it feel like to settle? What does it feel like not to?
Sometimes we gotta go with the flow. We allow others to guide the direction of decision-making. Or the circumstances are such where we must make the best of it.
But at what point do we chime in to make sure we’re not just settling?
Do not settle:
When internal alarm bells are going off, something is not right.
When it directly affects something we personally have to live with and we can already foresee the headaches, heartaches, and annoyances.
When we close our eyes, get really still and quiet and listen, and from within we hear a clear “no.”
As my favorite writer says, when it’s right we “feel it in our toes.”
Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.
Going with the flow is not the same as moving with momentum.
It might not have been exactly what we expected, but yet, here we are.
Things that weren’t clear suddenly start to make sense. Life hints and 20/20 hindsight show us we are actually exactly where we need to be.
What comes next is obvious, if we allow it. What is the next most graceful move we can make?
A ride can be fun. Or it can be terrifying. We can only control what we can. So we should at least try to enjoy the journey of traveling toward our future.
When new opportunities arise, or aspects of life align so a reality shift is inevitable, we best saddle up, grab the reins, and get steering.
There is a light and it never goes out.
We all got one, our light. I don’t care how cliché it is. Our inner light is real. It’s unique within each of us. We can tend to our light and radiate its glow. Or we can ignore its gasping flicker, burn out, dull ourselves to almost smolder.
But there is a light. And it never goes out.
I reference The Smiths because of course I do. But there are other songs about this enduring light within.
Prentis Hemphill spoke with Thomas Hübl about a song often heard in Black churches, an anthem during the civil rights movement:
“I often think about the very simple song that we always sang growing up which is: ‘This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine.’ And it sounds like a simple children’s song. But as I got older, I thought, wow, think about what my ancestors infused into that song. A very simple, powerful message about staying connected to that source... because this world is full of a lot of distortions. But I would always sing that song. I’m going to let it shine, you know, all through the night, I’m gonna let it shine. It’s the song about in all of these conditions, I’m going to remain connected to that light source inside of me. People stay connected to that light, even in these very challenging moments.”
Don’t settle. Ride the horse in the direction it’s going. And let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
What I’m reading and listening to:
Six Habits for Going Professional by Ben Meer, part of the System Sunday series.
Dr. Julie Gunter on The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish. So much in this one. Didn’t resonate with all of it tbh, but I did particularly enjoy the discussion on discipline vs. motivation.
Miriame Kaba on the last episode of One Million Experiments schooling us all on accountability.
Sebane Selasse on Hurry Slowly talking about the difference between autonomy and sovereignty.
Time To Think by Nancy Kline, on creating a thinking environment. I want to live in a thinking environment!
Brian Stout’s long essay on What Comes After Whiteness? It’s a doozy, with some gems in der.
More soon. Til then, take good care.
Riding that horse. Thank you for this.