Floating Along Choppy Waters

Finding balance when life makes waves

The start of the year has been complicated. I think of how life feels like right now in layers. Each layer is engulfing me and wobbling chaotically out of harmony. I'm dizzy, confused, and too often unable to orient myself, no less see the direction I/we are moving toward. It’s been a little rocky. I hate it. Very uncomfortable.

When things are rough is when it’s most easy to slip into bad habits. I say things I regret because I’m operating from stress. I lock into easy pleasures like scrolling or staying cozy and immobile until I’m stiff. I binge bad news. If I’m overwhelmed by external issues I numb out and become indifferent. I forget to phone a friend, convince myself I’m all alone. I stay up too late. I eat poorly. All the things I know accumulate over time then make me feel even worse. Thankfully I catch myself when I start to backslide a lot sooner than I used to. I better-notice when I fall into familiar shitty thought patterns. Like I judge harshly. Or I hyper-fixate, sinking into ugly and forgetting to notice beauty. So I course-correct. I do what I can to get steady. I remember to reach for what fuels me, including writing here. 

I recently had a delightful spontaneous evening with a brilliant friend at her apartment. It felt like a salve. Our conversations spanned hours, lifting me out from under the heavy blankets of the mental bed I had made and was lying in. Life-affirming ideas percolated between us. We reflected on comfort, and discipline. Comfort isn’t always a good thing. Struggle is important for growth. Resilience is built through struggle. Comfort | Struggle. Being disciplined is necessary too. What even is discipline? We dissected discipline as something experienced as children, something I currently do with my children. I see it now more as regulation, not punishment. Discipline is thus necessary in adulthood too. It’s maintenance. Discipline creates a clear path, and alignment. To find balance, especially in times of struggle, it takes discipline. A lesson from a retired boat builder: a well-balanced boat encounters less resistance and can go further. 

Riding the waves, staying the course. I’m learning to be decisive as conditions keep shifting. I am intentional about not operating from a place of fear. I choose instead to trust, to connect, and move firmly with love. Despite the pressure, I still show up in ways I can be proud of. The word integrity glows like a neon sign on the inside of my lobe just above my eyeballs. I feel it radiating from the back of my neck all the way down my spine. Integrity is the value I check myself against. I strive to live and act with integrity. Even just having this as an intention feels solid. Something to really hold onto. An anchor. 

It’s not been all bad. In January I was very preoccupied nurturing my brainchild, a national symposium on restorative justice. Working so hard with my team and dozens of amazing people from around the country, the event was a huge success by all accounts. I highly recommend checking out all the panels but especially this mind-expanding discussion between leaders in the RJ field Danielle Sered, Mike Milton, Seema Gajwani, and Professor Thalia Gonzalez. “But panels are kinda boring!” Trust me, not this one.

I also had meant to send out the Ins and Outs of 2024 sooner. My apologies, I despise being inconsistent. Giving myself grace, I do what I can when I can. Thanks so much to everyone who added to it. It’s a really good list!

Spring is coming. Change is in the air. I can feel it.

Until next time, smooth sailing.

Let’s Connect

I legit would love to hear about what life layers are gyrating around you. What’s your approach? What’re you grappling with? Hit reply. We process life in connection with others. I’m always eager to connect with you.